My Sweet Love,

I've been dreading this day. Today we would have been married 30 years. You tried so very hard to make it, but it just wasn't going to happen.

Most days I think I'm doing OK, but today is hard. I miss your touch, your smile, your kiss. I miss your voice. I wish I had a recording of your voice, but so far I can't think of anything that might have it except a few little videos.

I remember this day so vividly. I did housework all day and then relaxed with a glass of wine in a bubble bath. You did yard work. I can clearly see the packed little office at the church, with Joe and Geneva Parsons and "the other Beth". And I remember going home and fixing meatloaf for all of us, including Clyde.

I remember the phone call from your mother congratulating us. It was the first time I was referred to as Mrs. Haven.

I look at my rings and remember the anniversary trip to Gatlinburg, getting lost and eating at Ma Barker's Family Restaurant where we thought we were going to be on the menu! I remember our dinner cruise on the Mississippi and our trip to Biloxi. But I don't think anything could top the train to Houston and then getting stuck in a hurricane!

We always had so much fun together. I guess that's what happens when you start a relationship as friends first, before becoming lovers. I found the poem you wrote me, you know, the one I was supposed to destroy. It's faded almost too much to read, but the words are engraved on my heart. We went back to the same house in Hardy for a week-end get away.

I remember falling asleep in your arms every night. But, when did that stop? It seems like we just stopped doing it. I always felt so safe when I was in your arms, it always just felt like that was where I was supposed to be. 

I know you're watching over me and making sure I'm OK. There's been a couple of times I've looked up, expecting to see you in your seat watching TV. It's so quiet now in the house without the sound of your oxygen concentrator running all the time. That's when I know that you're gone. 

I'm going to try to get through the day without too many tears. So far I've managed, but I can tell they are just waiting to fall. I'll still be OK, but I hope this day goes fast. So, I'm going to try to stay as busy as I can to make it move along.

I love you so very much,

Beth