Here it is New Years Eve. I think everyone will be glad to put this year behind us, for many reasons. It has been a hard year for all of us, with the pandemic and all of the turmoil before and after the election. Of course, for those of us who have lost loved ones, no matter how they were lost, turning the page on the calendar will hopefully heal some wounds and hearts.

I read a disturbing statistic a couple of days ago that puts this pandemic into perspective, at least for me. For quite some time, the daily deaths have surpassed all of the deaths from Sept. 11 and Pearl Harbor. But this latest one was more startling. In December there have been more than 60,000 deaths, just in the United States, which is more than all of the US casualties in the Viet Nam Conflict. In an undeclared war that lasted years, we lost a little over 59,000 service men and women. And I'm not saying this to make their deaths any less meaningful. But, this number was over a period of years, and in less than 31 days, we surpassed that number from the virus. I know we are all getting tired of hearing about the virus, but until we realize that it is up to each of us, not the government, but us to do our part, these deaths will continue. I heard Dr. Threlkeld last night and he said that what we are doing as far as masking, cleanliness and social distancing, is also helping to keep the flu at bay. So, let's solve two problems at the same time and do what we can so that we can get back to a normal life. OK, that's my last public service announcement for the year.

Christmas was good. I had gotten the grandkids here each a necklace with Bill's thumbprint on it. The reverse side said "I love you, Pa Always in my heart" and each name. As soon as McKenna and Brianna opened the box they burst into tears, which in turn made me cry, and then when everyone was leaving, Emily and I had a little cry together. Kayden immediately put his necklace on and said it would only come off when he showered. Kiyann said she loved it, but she was already wearing 2 necklaces and didn't want to add another one.

I still don't feel really well and will probably be back at the dr. next week. I would go today but the office is closed. I don't feel bad enough to go to the ER which is the only option since we don't have a walk-in or urgent care clinic. But, I can tell things aren't right. I think it's probably still just the bronchitis/pneumonia that hasn't resolved, especially with the crazy weather we've had, 60s one day, 30s the next, and lots of wind and rain.

I said in the last post that I would try to find the Christmas pictures and I think I have, so I'll see if I can get them uploaded this time. I wish all of you health, happiness and love for 2021. As most people are saying, it's got to be better than 2020!

 It's the Saturday before Christmas, a dark, cold and rainy day, and I'm as ready as I can be for Christmas. All of the gifts that have arrived have been wrapped and placed under the tree on top of the buffet. There are still a couple floating around somewhere. One of them got as far as Oxford MS before tracking lost it. It went back to St. Louis 4 times in 2 days before it made it that far, so we'll see when it gets here. The house is as decorated as it's going to get and Christmas cards have been mailed. 

Not much has happened since my last post at Thanksgiving. I'm still waiting on a decision from the insurance company on the roof. They thought there would be a decision this week, but I didn't hear anything and nothing new shows online. But, that's OK.

I did get sick again with an upper respiratory thing. It was pretty much the same as when I got sick in October. I could tell for a few days that I was trying to come down with a cold, and it did finally get me. After 5 days, it got hard to breathe some, not alarmingly, but still had a heaviness in my chest. I checked my O2 and it was staying pretty low. So, off I went to the Dr. My Covid test was again negative, but the chest x-ray showed some haziness and the nurse said I was not moving much air through the lower lobes of my lungs. For now, the diagnosis was bronchitis bordering on pneumonia. Another Z-pac and a longer regime of steroids and I feel almost normal again. My O2 level is back to where it should be. I'm still coughing but not as much as before. And what I was coughing up looked like what I used to suction from Bill's trach. But, I'm on the mend.

After we came home from Florida after the transplant, I spent a few years picking a word for the year to live by. I remember the first year was freedom, meaning the freedom from schedules and the freedom to do or not do. This year my word is Renew. I picked it because 2021 is a clean slate for me. Of course you know what the last 2 years have entailed, and the last 7 months have been the ending of our life together. So, Renew...a new life, and not one that I would have chosen, but the one I have nevertheless. It's a time to now make this house "my" home, instead of "our" home. There won't be huge sweeping changes, but changing some things that pertained to couples instead of someone single.

I cleaned out 1 of Bill's closets finally. I hadn't put it off for any emotional reasons, just pure laziness. But when it dawned on me, as I was trying to stuff clothes into my closet, that his clothes had been hanging there for more than a year, and I could use that closet for some of my clothes, I just opened the door and did it. I filled 3 large boxes and they are going to the church around the corner that my daughter attends. They have a lending closet and she said at Thanksgiving there was an abundance of womens and childrens clothes, but not much for men. So, they will go to a good cause. I did get a small jolt when I opened the closet later to use it. It still smelled like Bill! That slapped me in the face since I wasn't expecting it. It didn't make me sad or anything, just startled me.

When I got out the Christmas decorations, Mouse was very intrigued by the boxes. And since I decorated over several days, the boxes stayed in the dining room. He slept on top of the largest one every night. After the first day, he showed no interest in any of the decorations. But, I decided Thursday that I was finished decorating and put all of the boxes away. He has since chewed on the Christmas tree, eaten part of the wreath on the table with Bill's urn, and batted at some small ornaments. Oh, well, we'll get through it.

We're doing family Christmas in shifts this year, Emily's family on the 26th and Ryan's on the 27th. There were some conflicts to doing it together. But, it's OK, keeping it small.

I was going to upload some Christmas pictures for you, but between my phone and this program, they are lost in cyberspace. So they will have to wait.

I was having a discussion on Facebook last night with a friend about the COVID-19 vaccine and the fact that I was going to get the vaccine when it was offered to the public, or at least the group that I fall into. My friend immediately told me that I was being controlled and he was tired of me dictating what others can and can't do. He probably thinks that because I didn't answer his last comment that I was backing down. On the contrary, my phone died and I went to bed. But, I've spent most of my day doing some research and I've decided that on my alternate blog, Musings from a "normal" person, I'm going to do some posts about vaccines and what the Constitution allows governments to do, even though it seems that it is taking away rights. Stay tuned for that if you want, I'll let you know when I've posted.

For now, until I get the pictures found and can post them, I'll just wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy and Healthy New Year.