We've spent a pretty quiet week-end. Bill's having some problems eating still. There's 1 really sore spot in his mouth and it's where he's supposed to bite. We're both getting a little concerned about his weight loss. He's losing about a pound a day and no matter what we've tried, he's still losing. He's eating 3 meals, having snacks, and drinking Ensure high protein drinks. He started to stabilize with his blood pressure, but yesterday it went crazy again, dropping really low. We didn't make it to church this morning, but did make it tonight. Bill drove for the first time in more than a month.

Several people have asked me how I do what I do with taking care of Bill. I don't even think about it, I just do what has to be done. To me it was never an option to NOT do this. I didn't consider that our marriage vows were for better or worse...well, most of you know the standard vows. That never played into it and I didn't make a conscience decision to do this. I just took it for granted that this was my husband and I would do whatever it took to keep him alive. Yes, it's tiring, yes, it's frustrating, yes, I hide in the bathroom and cry. I made a rule early on to myself that Bill would not see me cry if I could help it. I don't want him to blame himself for hurting me. So, I cry where he can't see me. The girls at the office are getting used to my tears I think, but they all understand. I also don't keep everything bottled up inside. I have kept a journal for years and that's where all of my frustrations and fears go, along with lots of praying.

So, that's your answer. It's probably left you just as puzzled as you were. I can't give any better answer...it is what it is. I don't begrudge a minute of it but sometimes I wish there was something more I could do to help when he's having a bad time. But, that's something I can't do so I don't dwell on that.

I've rambled on long enough for tonight. We didn't hear anything from Julie Friday so maybe we will hear something tomorrow. When we know, you'll know.