This year Thanksgiving is going to be different. I don't just mean for me, it's going to be, or should be, different for the entire nation.  I have turned down every invitation, and declined every offer of someone bringing me a plate from their own dinners. And, I've done it by choice! Now, before you think that I'm wallowing in grief without Bill this year, you would be wrong. Yes, it's going to be different without him, but after the last two years spending the holiday at the hospital, eating the special dinner the hospital provided, I want to be in my own home for the holiday.

I googled "Thanksgiving Dinner for One" and, lo and behold, there was a menu, complete with recipes, for a somewhat traditional dinner for one. It uses a turkey tenderloin, twice baked sweet potato casserole and an individual apple crumble. I'm modifying it a bit. Kroger had turkey breast fillets and I got that instead. It will slice better for sandwiches. And, I got an apple pie from the deli instead of doing the crumble. I do have everything to make it, and maybe I'll change my mind. But, since I'm the only one who has to eat it, we'll see. I'm also going to make a little apple salad and I have the small roll of crescent rolls. I'll add a veggie of some sort and it will be a meal fit for a queen!

Totally against my nature, I'm ready to put the Christmas tree up and I usually don't do that until the first week-end in December. But, it's all I can do to wait until tomorrow is over, at least. I bought a small 4 ft tree to put on a table. I'm hoping that Mouse won't get too curious. He's the reason I don't want to put up the larger tree. I'm afraid he'll try to climb it and knock the ornaments off.

I finally got the estimate for the roof repairs and got the claim started with insurance. Their assessment company will be here Friday afternoon to do their own estimate and then hopefully I can get it finished and get the siding back on in that area.

I got a hospital bill from the restorative hospital and I have to dispute some of the charges. There is a charge for operating room services, and after going through blog posts for the time he was in that part of the hospital, he didn't leave the room from the time he was taken upstairs until they took him back down to ICU. They did change his trach, putting in the longer one, but that was done bedside. So, I need to find out what that's about. There were some non-covered charges on the Medicare EOB and I'm sure they are also on the one from Tri-care. I can't access that one. His account has been locked But, Tricare is sending me a form to send back in to grant access. The amount owed for the bill is exactly double the amount of the non-covered charges, so I'm sure they just took the amount from each of the insurances and added them together. But, that can wait until after the holiday. Legally I'm not responsible for paying the bill, but Bill's estate is, which means that ultimately I am. So, just more of the business of dying.

I noticed that early in the month I was feeling really restless and couldn't settle into anything. I finally realized that it was coming up on the anniversary that Bill went to the hospital. The 14th was the last night Bill spent at home, and the 15th was when I started effectively living alone. So, it's been a year now that it has been just me and the cats. Once I realized that, I was totally fine, and actually feel very content now. I guess I've been lucky that way since I had that time to adjust to being alone unlike most people. 

My sister and I talk on the phone nearly every day, sometimes multiple times a day. This isn't unusual for sisters, except we life 6 hours apart. We discussed today that this is how we socialize during the pandemic. We both like to be alone, so not being around people hasn't really bothered us. But, just talking to another person, whether it's with her or a friend or other family member, keeps us, me at least grounded. We know the world hasn't ended, either because of the pandemic or the election, and we will continue on.

I told a friend today that even with all of the trials we have both been through this year, we are still abundantly blessed. We have extended family and friends, and God has kept both of us. I hope the same for everyone reading this. I pray you have been blessed throughout the year and will continue to be blessed. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!