Today we would have been married 35 years. That seems like an extremely long time, but it flew by in an instant. You have now been gone from me for a few months longer than 5 years. Surprisingly, that has also flown by.

Aimee called yesterday. Since we share an anniversary, she wanted to wish me a happy one, even though you weren't here. Does that sound strange? What she meant, and I knew what she meant before she even voiced it was to have a happy day full of good memories. I also wished her and Lee a happy anniversary. They have made a good life together.

I will celebrate with good memories. I would like to have our "1st date" meal today but that is impossible right now. Since it was pizza, and I am not able to eat it because of not being able to wear my lower denture, I'll have to find something else to have, probably spaghetti, although it won't be your recipe. But I can eat pasta easily enough.

I do have so many good memories from our life together. You would love to be seeing these babies growing. William, who was born right before your transplant, is playing your trumpet now. He was 13 this year, that doesn't seem possible. Petra is quite accomplished on the piano and flute and is a wonderful artist.

Dani is now married with 2 kids, Veronica and Garrett. Heather is finally expecting and hoping to carry this one to near term. She's had a hard time and had a procedure to keep her uterus closed. 

Havyn started pre-K this year and has such a cute personality. She starts cheer and tumbling Thursday. Brooks is almost walking and the Kern is strong in him! Kayden and Kim are expecting a little girl in November and Kiyann has graduated and is working at the Hampton Inn. I don't know when she and Danny are going to get married, it's just a given that they are. She's also a 2nd degree black belt now and teaches the beginner class.

As you look down on us, you know that we lost Mom in April. She was so ready to go and she almost made it to 94. I think we have her house sold and that will close out her trust. Between Ronna's estate and her trust I thought I would go mad at times!

I'm just plugging right along. I've been trying to write a book about the transplant and how it changed me. I don't know if you could really tell the change, except maybe that I became bossier, because you were always there encouraging me to do things. But, I did and I can tell that I did. So, I want to share that with others.

You would have been proud of me I think. I traded the Journey last year. It was starting to need some major work. I researched the models I wanted and decided on a GMC Terrain. It's a little smaller than the Journey, and if I'm really truthful I liked the Journey better and if they still made them I would have bought another one. But, this was probably the easiest sale the salesman made. I had narrowed my choices down to 2 different models. The dealer just happened to have them sitting on the lot side by side and without even opening the door or test driving, I made my decision. I was quite proud of myself, it took me until I was 70 to buy a car without a husband with me!

Let's see, Em and Bryan are both EMTs and work together with the ambulance service, or as Havyn calls it, the "boo-boo bus". Ryan and Amanda moved to North Carolina with his job and they love it. They've been there a year now. Ryan came back for Kiyann's graduation and they did make it to Illinois for Mom's service. Tori just got engaged. I guess this guy is a pretty good one. They got engaged at a baseball game and of course were on the video board.

I don't hear much from your kids anymore. But, that's understandable, at least to me. Harris is in New Mexico the last I heard which was about 18 months ago. Joe and Tina are in Oklahoma. I think Tina still works for the USDA, although with all of the cuts that have been made I don't know. John and Heather are still in Georgia and the girls are still close in Oklahoma.

Larry and I have gotten closer since we are the only ones left. That seems strange now. We both have conversations with Ronna and Mom at times. Larry says he talks to her every time he's at her house. He's done all of the cleaning out. I haven't been back to Illinois since her funeral. But he and I talk about every day now.

I think that catches you up on things here. After Barb moved, I started thinking that I'm the only one left on the corners from when we moved here. The neighborhood is in sad shape now. Ms. Horner's house across the street where Jeff and Linda lived burned about a year ago and the shell is still standing. The overgrowth is so much you can barely tell there was a structure there. And the house next to the brick one we looked at burned last week. They are just now started to clean it out. It was pretty much gutted.

Well, my love, I do miss you you still every day. But, sadness is mostly gone. Maybe today I'll take a little drive somewhere and just think of you. I've done that before and it makes for a lovely day...at least for me.

Happy Anniversary!

 I am amazed that the readership of this blog keeps growing, even three years after Bill has been gone and there have been no posts at all for 18 months! I hope it is still helping people navigating their own transplant/caregiving journey. Since it has been so long, I decided to do an end of year update.

2023 was a difficult year. My health has not been great. I've had so many sinus issues all through the year and I'm currently on the downside of near pneumonia again. As I listen to myself cough and struggle to move the mucus plugs, I again know what Bill went through. I can also cough harder than he could and I'm still having trouble getting them to move. I hear myself crackle in my upper airway breathing like he did and lately, all I want to do is sit and watch TV like he did. Now I understand!

I lost my sister to cancer in August, 2 days before my birthday. Thankfully I was with her at the end and encouraged to let go and be at peace. And while that is incredibly sad, there were some funny moments in her last days. I had talked to her on the phone when she was admitted to the hospital and it was decided to just make her comfortable. She was not supposed to live through the night. I told her I would be there the next day and she told me she probably wouldn't be. I told it was OK and that I knew where she would be.

When I got to the hospital the next day, she said that she was waiting for her sister. I told her I was her sister and she asked me my name. When I told her, all she said was "Oh, I thought your name was Harriet!" To this day I don't know who Harriet is!

Mom managed to get to the hospital and visit her for about an hour. She sat by the side of her bed and their conversation was so soft that the rest of us couldn't hear it, but Ronna was responding to what Mom was saying.

My niece and I were the only ones with her at the end. She had had visits from friends and former students all through the day. On the white board in her room, they had the expected discharge date of August 3rd. Brooke and I had looked at each other several times and asked, what are they going to do if that date passes, kick her out? When she passed away, on August 3rd, we just looked at each other!

She had named me executor of her estate and that's when the real work started. As I said when Bill died, there is the business of death. With his though, since everything came to me, what I thought was difficult was nothing compared to handling the estate of someone else. The paperwork part has eased up and now it is a matter of distributing her property and selling her house. My brother has been a big help with this. It was exhausting going back and forth to Illinois every 2 weeks.

The end of August my sweet Kitty Cat died. Somehow she got pneumonia. The vet tried everything, including taking her home with him at night to give her breathing treatments. We had discussed just letting her go and he said he wanted to try one more breathing treatment, but she passed away in his arms before he could do it. So, her ashes are on the mantle along with Bill's.

Mouse didn't know what to do for a long time and he went through some separation anxiety. He had never been an only cat before and wouldn't leave my side. I even took him to Illinois for a trip and he did fine. He's almost back to his normal self, just last month he started getting back onto the cat tree. He still goes through times that he needs to be on my lap and he sleeps with me every night.

Havyn is almost 2 now and is so fun to be with. She's really starting to talk and do things. We've gotten a couple more great-grands and there are a couple more on the way.

Kenna will graduate in the spring with an Associate Degree in General Studies. She and Logan are getting married, but I think as of now there won't be the big wedding they had been planning. She is going to go back to school to get a degree of some kind, she just doesn't know if she wants to teach now or not.

William has called and played his trumpet for me. He is so proud of the fact that he has Grandpa's trumpet! 

The other grandkids/kids/great-grandkids are all fine and doing well as far as I know.

Mom has started to slow down now, but at 92 that's to be expected. We're all just grateful we still have her.

So, there's a short recap of the last 18 months. I will start going back and forth to Illinois, but I don't think it will be as frequent. A lot of that will depend on the weather now.

I hope people continue to read this. There may not be regular posts, but who knows. I do have some things in the works, but I'm not ready to share those yet. 

I wish everyone health and happiness in the new year. Happy New Year!

 Friday I was diagnosed with mild developing pneumonia. I woke up in the night shivering so badly the bed was shaking and I had a sheet, blanket and heavy bedspread on me. I just knew for sure that I had COVID. The entire time I was waiting at the Dr. for the test results I kept thinking that I had dodged it for 2 1/2 years and my luck had run out. I was relieved when the test for COVID and flu both came back negative. And pneumonia really didn't surprise me. I would get cold sitting in the house so I would go outside and sit in the hot, dirty air of the drought weather. Then, when I got hot, I would go back inside. I felt fine when I sent to bed, but waking up at 2 am shaking so bad really scared me.

I've never had pneumonia before and it hurts! I now know how Bill felt when he would tell me he hurt from the top of his head down. It has felt like I had a knot on my back, right about mid-lung that hurt when I breathed. This is not fun! It also makes me sorry for the way I would push Bill at times. Little did I know!

So, 2 antibiotics, prednisone, an albuterol inhaler, nasal spray and nebulized albuterol later, I'm feeling a little better. But the combination of the prednisone and albuterol is not letting me sleep and the fatigue is real. I'm only sleeping about 1 1/2 hours at a time. Sometimes I can go back to sleep but sometimes not for a while. I'm also having some pretty good dreams!

As of this morning I'm feeling better, but still tired. I had 3 really bad, hard coughing spells yesterday to the point I was going to vomit, or lose pieces of my lungs! But, this morning, before any breathing treatments, my O2 was 97, without having to sit and deep breathe. My heart rate is also back to normal after a high of 122 on Friday morning. I'm still going to just rest again today, and I don't know how long the feeling good with last. But I think I'm on the mend!

Two years ago yesterday I kissed you for the last time. Your cheek was already cold and I knew you were no longer there. Two years ago yesterday I told you I loved you and hoped that you could hear me. 

A lot has happened in those two years. We gained Frankie and Aizen right after you passed away. We knew they were coming and we hoped you would hang on long enough to see at least a picture of them.

But since then we've gain Rex and Lucas and Havyn, and inherited two grandsons when Heather married Chris. John and Heather got a new grandson (Heather's son Devin) but I don't remember his name, and Amber Nicole is pregnant again. I'm not sure they know what this one is yet.

McKenna has graduated high school with honors and is going to play softball for Crowley's Ridge College in Paragould. She and Logan are still together but he doesn't like it that's she's going away for college. Kayden is working at Hays and his girlfriend Kim is very sweet. Kiyann is coming out of her shell some. She's taking Karate and loves it and has a really nice boyfriend Danny.

Bri and David bought Ron's house, and in typical Ron fashion, he did not disclose some of the problems. The side of the garage leaks when it rains really hard. The water gets behind the siding that he replaced. One of the bathrooms keeps backing up, but that could also be on the city's side. They've also taken in Adam's daughter Chloe to get her out of a toxic family situation and they have their hands full on top of a new baby.

I haven't heard a lot from your kids lately, not like I did before. John calls some and Mary calls a little. Aimee will text a little, but it's rare to hear from Joe and haven't heard from Harris in more than a year now, no-one has. I did contact a friend of his and he is alive and well, but that's all I know.

Em and Bryan are doing fine. Bryan is now working for Big River Steel and making a lot more money. He takes good care of your car for me. He has it now since I have to have some repair work done to the garage. A guy on drugs ran into the side of it. The crazy part is that his friends pulled him out, laid him on the driveway and drove the car off! He almost died!

Ryan loved working on the farm, but the farmer evidently lost his land or his lease and let everyone go. He's still looking for something and starting to get a little frustrated. So if you have any influence, he could use the help.

Shirley is now in assisted living after the effects of COVID and Karen is getting ready to sell the house. Shirley is always in good spirits when I talk to her but she really wanted to be able to go back home. I'm going to try to get there this fall. We haven't seen each other since they came to visit you in Jonesboro.

Mom is doing pretty good, for almost 91. We took Havyn up for a 5 generation picture. Those are so rare anymore, but I started thinking one day that you had one in your family too. When Amber had Konner, that was a 5th generation...your mom, you, Mary-Rose, Amber and Konner. We just didn't think about it at the time.

Ronna has just finished chemo for cancer and has a PET scan scheduled for tomorrow to see how well it worked. Larry is doing good, has Grandpa's Day Care like you did!

And me, well, I think I'm doing OK. I'm staying busy, but it doesn't seem like I'm doing anything worthwhile. I really need to get with cleaning out the bedrooms and get the remodel stuff done that we planned. It just doesn't have the appeal to me since you aren't here. But, the rooms need cleaned anyway. New roof, new heat/air system and now garage repairs. The siding still isn't finished where the cellar room was torn off and that's really starting to bug me.

I still look over at your seat to see what you are doing. Kitty sometimes finds one of your hats and lays down beside it. She also started laying on your Rockies blanket instead of my Cubs one. Mouse is so fat I can hardly lift him. But he's still the loveable kitten inside.

I miss your laugh, I miss your smile, I miss your touch. I just miss you.

 Here it is, the end of another year. It had its usual ups and downs, as most years do. But I thought I would share my thoughts on the past year, and what I'm looking forward to in the new one.

We all thought that when 2020 was over, things could get back to normal as far as the pandemic went. And yet, it's still hanging around, mutating faster than anyone expected. I have been vaccinated and boosted, yet I still wear a mask when I go to the grocery store, and I only go to very few events. So many people have died, some close to me, others I only hear of or read about. And every day I hear of another friend who has been diagnosed with this virus. I don't know what it will take. While I'm a Christian, we can't pray it away as some seem to think. Yes, we can pray that it will end, we must still follow guidelines that are set out. So, I will pray in the coming year that enough people will be vaccinated and will follow the guidelines which don't take away any rights (but that's a post for another day, and I think has already been posted on my other blog).

Many of us watched in horror as the US Capitol was overrun on January 6. I actually felt sick to my stomach as I watched the windows being broken. While some of the people have already had their day in court, I'm a little disheartened that the sentences are so light. I can't help but wonder what the decisions would have been, by Congress and the courts, if terrorists from other countries had been the ones to carry out this act. You know, terrorists aren't just from other nations.

I didn't mean to make this a political post, so we'll move on from that. I realized some time in November that I was becoming very contemplative and rather melancholy. Someone very dear to me has been diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing chemo. My dear friend and neighbor lost his battle with cancer just after Thanksgiving. I was in Illinois at the time, but I had told him there was to be no shenanigans while I was gone. Apparently he didn't think he should listen to my orders! But, he was in pain and the decision was made to place him in hospice. He told me that he was ready to go. There have been many other deaths this year, of contemporaries and classmates and I think that's what drove my thoughts. But then I realized that I am at an age now when that is just a part of this season of life. Maybe it was made more apparent with all of the COVID deaths.

There have been good things that happened this year. I went to three weddings, two granddaughters and a niece. A new grand-nephew was born this week, a great-grandson is due next month and a great-granddaughter is due in March. With this great-granddaughter in March, should my mother still be alive and there's no reason she shouldn't be, it will be the 5th generation. And to make it even more special, it will be five generations of women!

This morning I accomplished three different things that I set out to do last January. I had downloaded a Scripture Writing Challenge. And this morning I wrote the final passage. Lest you think I just picked random verses, a verse or verses were given for each day. If any of you would be interested in something like this I got it from ibelieve.com and you can download and print each month. I also found a blank scripture writing page that I printed. The entire year fit into a 2" binder. You could also just use a notebook. But, I found myself thinking about some of the scriptures that I hadn't really thought about before.

Another accomplishment this morning was completing two different devotionals. One was written by a friend of mine and I thoroughly enjoyed her insights. The other one I had purchased at the hospital one day and I had read it off and on, but this time I read it in the order it was supposed to be read. I received two new devotionals this year, one for my birthday and the other for Christmas. They are different formats, one just short little stories, the other a more in depth one. I'm looking forward to starting them tomorrow morning.

I also read through the Bible again this year. I've now done it in at least three different versions, King James, The Message, and this year, the NIV. I've found I prefer the NIV. Some of you will disagree with me, but that one is easier to understand some of the points. I do prefer King James for certain books. Psalms needs to be read in the King James, it flows much better. I haven't decided if I'm going to read it through again this year or wait until next year. I think I want to read it chronologically next. 

I've done a lot of knitting and still have several things in progress. My goal is to finish as many of them as possible this year. They are all large projects, but only one of them has a deadline to get finished and that is just 3 weeks away. But, I'm more than halfway done with it and if I don't get the idea that I need to try a new pattern, should be able to get it finished pretty quickly. Luckily I didn't do it like the pattern called for. It was to be made in three strips and then sewn together. But I hate seaming things. So, I'm just making it in one piece and it goes rather quickly.

For the past few years I've picked a word for the year. This year I hadn't been able to decide on a word. But yesterday the word CONTENTMENT came into my head and is sticking around. So maybe that is the word I'm supposed to use this year.

That's the highlights of my year. I hope yours had more good than bad times. And I hope the coming year brings good things to all of us. Happy New Year!

 Good Morning everyone! It's a cool, sunny fall morning here. It's been cooler, down into the 40s at night, but today is supposed to be warmer with a chance of rain overnight. But, you don't come here to read the weather report!

Not really a lot has been happening in my world. I made another quick trip to Illinois, the 3rd one this year I think. I needed to do my sister's taxes. Now only one more to go in November for my niece's wedding Thanksgiving week-end.

Brianna and David had their gender reveal and it's a.....GIRL! David was a little disappointed, but I told him that daddys and daughters have a special relationship and that he will forget the disappointment when he sees her. They are going to name her Havyn Gene after Bri's two grandfathers who have passed away, Havyn of course after Bill and Gene is for my first husband. And the baby that I told you was due in December is actually due in January and is a boy, but I don't know of any names yet. So, one each of great-grandchildren in 2022.

I got my new heat/air unit installed yesterday. We ordered it in June but there are so many supply problems right now. My dealer said they offered him a different unit but he said no because it wasn't as good and then it miraculously showed up the next day! It is so quiet I hardly know it's running. I did have to lose part of the fence that was around the outside unit because it's a little bigger and they weren't sure if there would be enough air flow around it.

Those of you who know me personally may know that I love technology and the best part for me with this new unit is that I can control it with my phone! It was really easy to set up. I set the temperature I want, set a high and low range and put it on automatic. It will use either heat or air, whichever it needs to use to keep the temp I set! I also don't have to get up in the middle of the night if I get hot or cold, just grab my phone which of course is always plugged in beside the bed. So between that and being able to arm/disarm my security with my phone, and check the security cameras, I'm a happy camper. Yet, at the same time, I have no interest in Alexa, or Google Home, or any of those technologies.

I've been toying with the idea now of not using the Veteran's Cemetery. Bill's only burial wishes were to have a full military funeral. He didn't care where his remains were buried, just that he had the military rites. So I'm thinking about using the local cemetery which is actually right behind my house (almost). It's within walking distance. I know that I can still have the white marble headstone but I don't know if we can be buried in the same grave as we can in the other cemetery. Since it's just ashes I don't see why not, but that's a question to ask. I also know that the VA will reimburse at least part of the cost of the plot and I need to find that out too. The answers to those questions may make up my mind for me. It would also be easier to coordinate a date for all the kids since it could be done any day of the week instead of just Monday-Friday. So, when I've decided, I'll of course let everyone know.

Bill's sister is moving to an assisted living facility next week. She so wanted to go home, but the long-term effects of COVID are making that impossible for her. She's not stable enough walking to be alone. But, she's in good spirits about it and she can have her piano in her room. She'll have a little studio apartment, basically just one room with a kitchenette off to the side with a small closet and bathroom. She's transferring on the 26th. I don't know if she'll be able to teach any music lessons there, but she told me she had decided a long time ago that she would quit teaching at 80 and that's next month. So, it would just be a little early if she can't.

Most cats are strange animals by nature and mine are no exception. Cat is the aloof one, off on her own most of the time, but can be social if she wants. Mouse is the skittish one who really has to check things out before accepting new things. Yet, one thing he likes is music. If I'm at the piano, he's either sitting on the floor like a statue right beside the piano, or he's up on the bench with me, not on me or touching the piano, just sitting on the bench beside me listening. He's also developed the habit of getting in my lap while I'm reading my Bible. Every morning it's my habit to write my daily scripture, have my morning prayer time, read my devotions, read my Bible passages for the day and then write in my personal journal. Mouse lays on the floor while I'm writing my scripture and praying, but he comes and sits closer to me, on the floor, while I'm reading my devotions. But, once I open my Bible and turn to the bookmark, he's up on my lap. Sometimes he sits up and looks at the pages like he's reading them too. Other times he lays down. But it's always just with the Bible. Maybe I should start reading it aloud to him!

Oh, I forgot a very important happening! McKenna was chosen as Homecoming Queen! She was absolutely thrilled! She looked very pretty in both of her dresses (one for the pep rally and one for the game) and she came to see me wearing her tiara when I got home from Illinois.

I think that's it for this time. Happy Halloween everyone!

 Hi everyone! I can't believe how long it's been since I've written anything here! But, since I haven't had the committal ceremony for Bill yet, it seems like there was nothing to write. However, I've been thinking...I know to some of you that is a scary thought...and some things came together for me.

This September is a month of major milestones. Our 31st anniversary would have been on the 3rd. It was a good day. I didn't dread it like I did last year and it actually kind of crept up on me. I used the day to think of the good memories and not dwell on what couldn't be. I was going to take myself out to eat but changed my mind at the last minute. I just got practical...I had food here in the house to eat!

Today, the 9th is the 14th anniversary of Bill's last heart attack, the one that started us on the transplant journey. I've been doing a lot of remembering about that today for some reason. And the 15th will be the 10th anniversary of the LVAD implant. I remember Dr. Agnew telling us that he could guarantee 10 more years with a transplant and Dr. Landolfo telling us that without the LVAD he couldn't guarantee that Bill would survive until a heart became available. I'm grateful that Bill listened to Dr. Landolfo and had the implant.

Things have been happening since the last post. My granddaughter Brianna got married in June, on what seemed like the hottest day of the year! The heat index at the time of the ceremony was at least 106 and I heard someone say that it was higher than that. But, it was a beautiful wedding. They've purchased their first house and it is almost right behind mine! It is just one house over. And, they are expecting their first child in late March! They are getting the blood test next week to see what sex it is and then having a gender reveal on October 2. So big things happening!

My mother had her 90th birthday last month and we managed to have a big drop-in party for her, with most of the family there. She was surprised with a onesie announcing that the baby was coming and it will be the 5th generation!

There's also another great-grandchild coming, this one I think in December, but don't hold me to that. Bill's daughter Aimee's youngest son and his wife are expecting this one. So the family is growing. 

That's about it for the news around here. Have a good fall...and keep an eye out for any other updates that may happen!

 When I last posted here, we had just gotten our snow storm! It's hard to believe that 3 months has gone by so fast. What's even harder to believe is that Bill has been gone a year already! Sometimes it seems like yesterday, and sometimes it seems like a long time. But, I've survived the first year and I know I'm going to make it!

It's been a busy spring and is going to be a busy summer. One of Bill's granddaughters got married in April and my sister and I went to Oklahoma to the wedding. We kind of made a deal. Our niece is getting married in November in Northern Illinois. She said she would go to Oklahoma with me, but I had to go to Illinois with her. She knows my proclivity to just stay home, even without throwing in the "grieving widow" aspect. So, off to Oklahoma we went. And, we had a good time. The wedding was lovely and it was good to see everyone. I got to see the other grandkids and was hoping to see the new baby, but he stayed home. I even made sure that I was considered fully vaccinated before the date. It was a very quick trip, got there on Friday, wedding Saturday evening, came home Sunday. Ronna left on Tuesday. We both decided we are too old for these quick turn-around trips anymore!

Brianna and David are getting married in less than a month now. It doesn't seem possible she's old enough to get married. I was visiting my friends John and Phillis a couple of weeks ago and John said the same thing. He hasn't seen her for awhile so she's still a little girl to him.

McKenna's boyfriend graduated this week and Monday starts a great job at a support company for the steel mill as a welder. He's all excited about that.

Kenna and Kayden are both driving now and Kiyann just earned her orange belt in karate. She didn't want to do it when her mom signed her up, but she loves it!

I still haven't made it to Florida to see Shirley. With everything that still needs done on the house and the weddings, I keep putting it off. I'm getting an estimate on a new furnace Wednesday and the siding still isn't back up. I think I'm going to call a handyman to come and do it. I know the guys are still willing, but they don't have time either. So, this will be easier.

Shirley has been in the hospital and rehab now for a couple of months. They think that her problems with weakness and balance are partly to do with long-term Covid effects. She also does have a problem with spinal stenosis and arthritis and some nerve damage from that, so she's looking at surgery. They're waiting on the consult with the neurosurgeon and I think that's still a couple of weeks away. She does realize that she can't go home by herself right now, and she's OK with it, but she misses her animals. A neighbor down the street comes every day to care for the cats and the birds and another neighbor has taken the dog to his house. He had been good to help with Sadie in the past.

I still haven't been able to have the committal ceremony for Bill's ashes. And, I'm a little miffed at my government officials. I have contacted the governor and a state senator to see when the ban will be lifted and neither one has answered. The year for the free inurnment of course ends today. I'm hoping that requirement will be waive because of Covid, but if not it's only $300. I also can't just get an answer that it can be held next week since unless I do it without his kids being there, and that won't work. Logistics, logistics, logistics.

I've been told by several people who have followed this blog that I should turn it into a book, so I'm exploring that idea. Just to print it in book form is more than 1000 pages, which is too much. But, I'm investigating the possibility of doing something along the lines of what blogging did for me during this journey. So, stay turned!

I don't know how many more posts there will be here, especially since it is Bill's journey. I know there will be one more when he can finally be laid to rest. So, don't worry it weeks or months go by in between. 

All for this time!

 Last week was a crazy week, and this one seems it's going to be a continuation.

My cardiology appointment was OK. It was the fastest I've ever been seen, only 30 minutes past my appointment time. We still don't know what's up with my blood pressure. It was really good when I saw her in August and she was considering lowering one of my meds. Instead, it's again staying high, not dangerously high but high nonetheless so instead of lowering a med, she increased one. She only increased the diurectic in it so maybe that will help. It has come in so I'll start it tomorrow.

Since we were supposed to get an ice storm on Wednesday, I ordered my groceries Monday night and picked them up Tuesday morning...and my car hasn't been started since then. The storm came on schedule and we got freezing rain with sleet on top. It's been so cold that none of it has melted, and it's still so cold that it's not going to. And now, we have a snowstorm starting today.

Emily and Bryan picked up a few extra things I needed on Saturday, including firewood. I decided that I would take a chance and use the fireplace even though the chimney hadn't been cleaned. I just asked my neighbor if he would tell me if he saw flames shooting out the top of the chimney.

I had noticed om Saturday that the furnace was running constantly and the temp was 2 degrees below what it was set on. I figured that it was just so cold that it couldn't keep up. Yesterday morning I noticed that the temperature in the house was 68 and the furnace was still running full blast, but when I looked at the furnace, I couldn't see any flames. So, I lit a fire and called my "free" repairman, Bryan. He came over before church and looked and it was running fine. I let the fire die out then and then temp just kept dropping. He came back after church and couldn't figure out what was going on. He was going to help the actual repairman thaw pipes and then bring him over. The fire kept the living room comfortable and the cats and I were staying basically comfortable. They got the problem fixed, Brianna had brought more firewood just in case and the cats and I went happily to bed when it was time. I heard the furnace cycling so we all drifted off. 

At 4:30 this morning I got a text and I started to ignore it, but changed my mind. I've been getting a lot of scam texts for a few days and I figured that's what it was. So, I was surprised when it was from the alarm company that there was a power outage and it was running on backup battery power. That woke me up! So I pulled on clothes over my pajamas, located my boots and snow jacket, started a fire by flashlight and fed the cats. I was praying all the time that the generator top would not be frozen shut and that the power switch box would not be frozen shut. I grabbed the food for the outside cats and out the back door I went. It was doing a little sleeting, but the generator opened right up, the box opened and the lever moved easily and it only took two tries to get the generator started. But, the fire had gone out by the time I got in. Then temp in the house was 65 when I got up, I think the power had actually gone off earlier than the text indicated, and in an hour it had dropped to 53. But, I got the fire going again. The wood never did really want to catch this time and I really had to work at it to keep it going. But it finally worked.

Kitty got as close to it as she possibly could. Mouse is still wary of it, as most feral cats are. Shortly after that, I looked outside and saw that the house across the street had a light on outside, as did Joe and Barb next door, so, double clothes again with all the other stuff and back out to switch over to regular power. The furnace was already running and the house was back up to 60.

Luckily none of my pipes froze, although the kitchen tried. I had left the hot water dripping and when I turned it full on this morning, there was some air in the line. When I switched it to cold it came out really brown but cleared quickly. I also filled the washer a bit and then drained it and the bathroom was fine.

It is snowing really hard now and we are supposed to get 5-9 inches. We supposed to get another round of about 4 inches on Wednesday. The temp right now is 9 with a windchill of -9, which is an improvement over the 8, -12 when I was out before daylight!

Emily and her girls got me some candy and flowers for Valentine's Day. That was very thoughtful of them. 

When I was saying my prayers last night I asked that I be given the energy and inclination to actually do something productive today instead of sitting and watching the snow as I wanted to do. I guess my prayer was answered early this morning with all of the excitement and now, maybe I can just sit and snuggle with the cats under a throw with a cup of coffee and watch the snow!

I'm so thankful that Bill made sure that I could do all of the things I needed to do today. Sadly, the only thing I didn't have to do was switch him to portable air tanks until the generator got started. But I'm not going to dwell on what won't be done and be glad that I was able to do what had to be done. I was going to add some pictures, but I can't figure out, again, where they are, so they will have to wait.

 I didn't realize it had been almost a month since my last post. Time flies when you're having fun...NOT!

The year is still not going really well and I'll try to catch you up. I did get the roof done, now just waiting on the insurance company to refund the depreciation and to cover the additional costs. The roofer said that the extra charges should have been included in the original payment as it covers standard costs for a new roof. But, so far all I have had to pay is the deductible.

I still have my UTI. It is better, but not resolved, so back on antibiotics again, which has caused a yeast infection, but you don't need all of the details of that. I was supposed to get a Lifeline Screening the first, but the infection had kicked in the day before, so I had to reschedule it. Now it's not until the end of March at a small town in Missouri. I'm pretty familiar with the town, which is where Sheryl Crow is from.

I still have my 6 month cardiology appointment Monday afternoon in Memphis. I also need to call the eye dr and schedule a test he wants done and have my 6 month check there, and I broke a tooth so need to call the dentist. Maybe then I will be done with drs. for at least another 6 months.

Bill's ex-wife died unexpectedly a week ago this past Monday. She had been to the dr on the Friday before and was diagnosed with pneumonia. The girls said that on Monday they couldn't get a good O2 reading and by the time Mary Rose got to Aimee's she was gone. But, she had been wanting to die for a long time. She was the last of her family and she said she didn't know why she was still here. Mary tried to tell her it was for the grandchildren, but that wasn't what Rose wanted. They had a wake for her in Oklahoma where she was living and her funeral and burial is on the 13th in South Carolina. She'll be buried next to Charlie. I sent some flowers to Aimee's and used a local to her florist. Rose's favorite flower was of course the rose and the arrangement I picked out was lillies and roses. The picture Aimee sent me was a couple of lillies, a few baby mums and a lot of daisies! There is a considerable difference in cost between roses and daisies and there should be a good stock of roses this close to Valentine's Day. So, I contacted the florist and they offered to take another arrangement out, but it was too late by then. So, I just got a $15 store credit. But, they got a bad review online!

Not everything has been bad as far as the year goes.  Rex Charles Haven, a new great grandson made his appearance on the 4th. He was a week early but he weighed over 8 pounds and was 20 1/2 inches long, so he had cooked long enough.

I'm proud of myself today. We are supposed to get wind chllls below zero tonight. I have a heater going in the apartment and will make sure water is dripping in the house. But, today, I bought and installed faucet covers outside! It's the little things!

That catches you up for now. I can't guarantee when the next update will be, just keep checking!

It's a cold, gray, gloomy morning. We're supposed to get some snow tomorrow, not much but snow. They are saying the heavier accumulations will be south of us, so me may just see some flakes falling. But, I've got potato soup in the crockpot and I think I'll make some cornbread to go with it later. Bill wasn't fond of cornbread and, something else I've discovered with this new widowhood life, I can cook what I like! That slapped me in the face not long ago. So many things do that now.

I got all of the Christmas decorations taken down Monday and put away, and that was the best day I had all week! I was tired and sore from moving all of the boxes back to storage, but it was a good tired.

Tuesday I woke up aching everywhere and extremely tired. I checked my vitals as usual and m blood pressure was up some, but not dangerously high, no fever, oxygen level good, but I just felt horrible. I texted my symptoms and vitals to my daughter (it's great that she works for my dr.) and she said she would pass them along. She called a couple of hours later and said my nurse practitioner wanted me to go straight to the ER. I told her that I didn't think I could get dressed, let along drive the 2 blocks to the hospital so she sent my granddaughter's fiance to pick me up (with the instructions for him to evaluate to see is an ambulance needed to be called). When we got to the hospital he made sure that his badge was showing (he's a city cop), hoping it would get a little extra attention and then he stayed until Emily could come on her lunch hour. Both in triage and then again by the doctor, I was asked why I hadn't gone to my doctor. I just explained that I had texted my symptoms and vitals and was told to go to ER. The doctor was really ugly about it and said that I needed a COVID test and they didn't do them and I would have to go to the office to get one anyway. Now, here I am, feeling like death warmed over, can hardly hold me head up, and the dr. is telling me I have to go to the clinic to get a COVID test! He listened to my chest, said uh huh a couple of times and left the room. I texted Emily again (she had gone back to work by then) and she told my nurse who went ballistic! She called the hospital administrator and told him that she understood that they were overwhelmed by patients, but she would have sent me to the ER if I had come to the office and the staff should not take their frustration out on the patients. The administrator, I was told later, went to the ER and told the DR. that was not how things were done. I didn't see the DR. again. They did a flu swab, strep swab, chest xray, labs, urine and that was it. Finally, after 4 1/2 hours a different nurse came in and told me she had my discharge papers. I asked what the results were and she said I had a UTI and he was giving me Cipro. A UTI? I had no symptoms of a UTI, and I've had several. I had all the symptoms of strep except the sore throat, and I've had it before! But, I was ready to go home. Emily came and got me home and then she took the discharge papers and my script and said she would bring me the meds when she got off work. She told me later when I looked at the labs online and it showed strep negative, but later showed strep active, that I was getting the million dollar treatment after the complaint. The active strep was a culture and there were no results for it yet as it had to grow.

I felt better Wednesday but not quite as good Thursday and Friday I felt OK, but had a reaction to the Cipro. So, texted that info in and because the UTI is apparently a pretty bad one, I needed to stay on an antibiotic so they were going to change it. The new one as a super long name, and has the same side effects as Cipro, but so far so good. I was a little confused by the label instructions and of course the dr. and the pharmacy were both closed when I noticed it. It says "Take at bedtime by mouth with food or milk twice daily". Now, except for a little nap here and there, I usually only go to bed once daily! Emily and I decided to do it twice daily since there were enough pills for 10 days and she's going to make sure tomorrow. We both just laughed and wondered if they were trying to kill me or cure me!

I got the settlement from the insurance company Friday, and the check was made out to both of us. I thought I was going to have to send it back but I went to the bank and, even though I know they made a copy of Bill's death certificate when I got the new debit card, his name is still on the account! So, it was OK to deposit it. Now, tomorrow I'll call the roofer and get that in the works. Hopefully they work in cold weather!

As a lot of you have probably done, I watched the events unfold on Wednesday at the Capitol. Instead of going into all of my thoughts here, I wrote a long post on my alternate blog. If you want to read it you can click here. It will also link to a post by an online friend, who said what I wanted to say, but much better than I could. So, I asked his permission to share it.

So, the year is not starting off well. Emily's stepson has been diagnosed with COVID, but so far it's a mild case. He's just quarantined at home. We had another prominent business owner pass away with the virus this week. I'm actually thinking about cancelling my cardiology appointment next month. I've gotten so I only leave the house when absolutely necessary and I've taken to online groceries. They don't deliver here, but as long as I don't have to get out of the car I'm good. I've even ordered a few meals through DoorDash when I don't feel like cooking but don't want fast food. I really have to watch myself with that though because I could do it every night!

I hope your year is starting off better than mine! Stay warm and safe, or cool and safe, whichever applies. Just stay safe!

Here it is New Years Eve. I think everyone will be glad to put this year behind us, for many reasons. It has been a hard year for all of us, with the pandemic and all of the turmoil before and after the election. Of course, for those of us who have lost loved ones, no matter how they were lost, turning the page on the calendar will hopefully heal some wounds and hearts.

I read a disturbing statistic a couple of days ago that puts this pandemic into perspective, at least for me. For quite some time, the daily deaths have surpassed all of the deaths from Sept. 11 and Pearl Harbor. But this latest one was more startling. In December there have been more than 60,000 deaths, just in the United States, which is more than all of the US casualties in the Viet Nam Conflict. In an undeclared war that lasted years, we lost a little over 59,000 service men and women. And I'm not saying this to make their deaths any less meaningful. But, this number was over a period of years, and in less than 31 days, we surpassed that number from the virus. I know we are all getting tired of hearing about the virus, but until we realize that it is up to each of us, not the government, but us to do our part, these deaths will continue. I heard Dr. Threlkeld last night and he said that what we are doing as far as masking, cleanliness and social distancing, is also helping to keep the flu at bay. So, let's solve two problems at the same time and do what we can so that we can get back to a normal life. OK, that's my last public service announcement for the year.

Christmas was good. I had gotten the grandkids here each a necklace with Bill's thumbprint on it. The reverse side said "I love you, Pa Always in my heart" and each name. As soon as McKenna and Brianna opened the box they burst into tears, which in turn made me cry, and then when everyone was leaving, Emily and I had a little cry together. Kayden immediately put his necklace on and said it would only come off when he showered. Kiyann said she loved it, but she was already wearing 2 necklaces and didn't want to add another one.

I still don't feel really well and will probably be back at the dr. next week. I would go today but the office is closed. I don't feel bad enough to go to the ER which is the only option since we don't have a walk-in or urgent care clinic. But, I can tell things aren't right. I think it's probably still just the bronchitis/pneumonia that hasn't resolved, especially with the crazy weather we've had, 60s one day, 30s the next, and lots of wind and rain.

I said in the last post that I would try to find the Christmas pictures and I think I have, so I'll see if I can get them uploaded this time. I wish all of you health, happiness and love for 2021. As most people are saying, it's got to be better than 2020!

 It's the Saturday before Christmas, a dark, cold and rainy day, and I'm as ready as I can be for Christmas. All of the gifts that have arrived have been wrapped and placed under the tree on top of the buffet. There are still a couple floating around somewhere. One of them got as far as Oxford MS before tracking lost it. It went back to St. Louis 4 times in 2 days before it made it that far, so we'll see when it gets here. The house is as decorated as it's going to get and Christmas cards have been mailed. 

Not much has happened since my last post at Thanksgiving. I'm still waiting on a decision from the insurance company on the roof. They thought there would be a decision this week, but I didn't hear anything and nothing new shows online. But, that's OK.

I did get sick again with an upper respiratory thing. It was pretty much the same as when I got sick in October. I could tell for a few days that I was trying to come down with a cold, and it did finally get me. After 5 days, it got hard to breathe some, not alarmingly, but still had a heaviness in my chest. I checked my O2 and it was staying pretty low. So, off I went to the Dr. My Covid test was again negative, but the chest x-ray showed some haziness and the nurse said I was not moving much air through the lower lobes of my lungs. For now, the diagnosis was bronchitis bordering on pneumonia. Another Z-pac and a longer regime of steroids and I feel almost normal again. My O2 level is back to where it should be. I'm still coughing but not as much as before. And what I was coughing up looked like what I used to suction from Bill's trach. But, I'm on the mend.

After we came home from Florida after the transplant, I spent a few years picking a word for the year to live by. I remember the first year was freedom, meaning the freedom from schedules and the freedom to do or not do. This year my word is Renew. I picked it because 2021 is a clean slate for me. Of course you know what the last 2 years have entailed, and the last 7 months have been the ending of our life together. So, Renew...a new life, and not one that I would have chosen, but the one I have nevertheless. It's a time to now make this house "my" home, instead of "our" home. There won't be huge sweeping changes, but changing some things that pertained to couples instead of someone single.

I cleaned out 1 of Bill's closets finally. I hadn't put it off for any emotional reasons, just pure laziness. But when it dawned on me, as I was trying to stuff clothes into my closet, that his clothes had been hanging there for more than a year, and I could use that closet for some of my clothes, I just opened the door and did it. I filled 3 large boxes and they are going to the church around the corner that my daughter attends. They have a lending closet and she said at Thanksgiving there was an abundance of womens and childrens clothes, but not much for men. So, they will go to a good cause. I did get a small jolt when I opened the closet later to use it. It still smelled like Bill! That slapped me in the face since I wasn't expecting it. It didn't make me sad or anything, just startled me.

When I got out the Christmas decorations, Mouse was very intrigued by the boxes. And since I decorated over several days, the boxes stayed in the dining room. He slept on top of the largest one every night. After the first day, he showed no interest in any of the decorations. But, I decided Thursday that I was finished decorating and put all of the boxes away. He has since chewed on the Christmas tree, eaten part of the wreath on the table with Bill's urn, and batted at some small ornaments. Oh, well, we'll get through it.

We're doing family Christmas in shifts this year, Emily's family on the 26th and Ryan's on the 27th. There were some conflicts to doing it together. But, it's OK, keeping it small.

I was going to upload some Christmas pictures for you, but between my phone and this program, they are lost in cyberspace. So they will have to wait.

I was having a discussion on Facebook last night with a friend about the COVID-19 vaccine and the fact that I was going to get the vaccine when it was offered to the public, or at least the group that I fall into. My friend immediately told me that I was being controlled and he was tired of me dictating what others can and can't do. He probably thinks that because I didn't answer his last comment that I was backing down. On the contrary, my phone died and I went to bed. But, I've spent most of my day doing some research and I've decided that on my alternate blog, Musings from a "normal" person, I'm going to do some posts about vaccines and what the Constitution allows governments to do, even though it seems that it is taking away rights. Stay tuned for that if you want, I'll let you know when I've posted.

For now, until I get the pictures found and can post them, I'll just wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy and Healthy New Year.

This year Thanksgiving is going to be different. I don't just mean for me, it's going to be, or should be, different for the entire nation.  I have turned down every invitation, and declined every offer of someone bringing me a plate from their own dinners. And, I've done it by choice! Now, before you think that I'm wallowing in grief without Bill this year, you would be wrong. Yes, it's going to be different without him, but after the last two years spending the holiday at the hospital, eating the special dinner the hospital provided, I want to be in my own home for the holiday.

I googled "Thanksgiving Dinner for One" and, lo and behold, there was a menu, complete with recipes, for a somewhat traditional dinner for one. It uses a turkey tenderloin, twice baked sweet potato casserole and an individual apple crumble. I'm modifying it a bit. Kroger had turkey breast fillets and I got that instead. It will slice better for sandwiches. And, I got an apple pie from the deli instead of doing the crumble. I do have everything to make it, and maybe I'll change my mind. But, since I'm the only one who has to eat it, we'll see. I'm also going to make a little apple salad and I have the small roll of crescent rolls. I'll add a veggie of some sort and it will be a meal fit for a queen!

Totally against my nature, I'm ready to put the Christmas tree up and I usually don't do that until the first week-end in December. But, it's all I can do to wait until tomorrow is over, at least. I bought a small 4 ft tree to put on a table. I'm hoping that Mouse won't get too curious. He's the reason I don't want to put up the larger tree. I'm afraid he'll try to climb it and knock the ornaments off.

I finally got the estimate for the roof repairs and got the claim started with insurance. Their assessment company will be here Friday afternoon to do their own estimate and then hopefully I can get it finished and get the siding back on in that area.

I got a hospital bill from the restorative hospital and I have to dispute some of the charges. There is a charge for operating room services, and after going through blog posts for the time he was in that part of the hospital, he didn't leave the room from the time he was taken upstairs until they took him back down to ICU. They did change his trach, putting in the longer one, but that was done bedside. So, I need to find out what that's about. There were some non-covered charges on the Medicare EOB and I'm sure they are also on the one from Tri-care. I can't access that one. His account has been locked But, Tricare is sending me a form to send back in to grant access. The amount owed for the bill is exactly double the amount of the non-covered charges, so I'm sure they just took the amount from each of the insurances and added them together. But, that can wait until after the holiday. Legally I'm not responsible for paying the bill, but Bill's estate is, which means that ultimately I am. So, just more of the business of dying.

I noticed that early in the month I was feeling really restless and couldn't settle into anything. I finally realized that it was coming up on the anniversary that Bill went to the hospital. The 14th was the last night Bill spent at home, and the 15th was when I started effectively living alone. So, it's been a year now that it has been just me and the cats. Once I realized that, I was totally fine, and actually feel very content now. I guess I've been lucky that way since I had that time to adjust to being alone unlike most people. 

My sister and I talk on the phone nearly every day, sometimes multiple times a day. This isn't unusual for sisters, except we life 6 hours apart. We discussed today that this is how we socialize during the pandemic. We both like to be alone, so not being around people hasn't really bothered us. But, just talking to another person, whether it's with her or a friend or other family member, keeps us, me at least grounded. We know the world hasn't ended, either because of the pandemic or the election, and we will continue on.

I told a friend today that even with all of the trials we have both been through this year, we are still abundantly blessed. We have extended family and friends, and God has kept both of us. I hope the same for everyone reading this. I pray you have been blessed throughout the year and will continue to be blessed. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

 I was a little disturbed yesterday to see a big packet from the VA in the mail yesterday. My first thought was "What did I leave out/fill out wrong/need to add" again. When I opened it the first page said that it was determined that Bill had been a disabled veteran who had died, we were married for the proper length of time, and I was entitled to received the Dependent and Children's Compensation. DUH! I already knew that! The second page however, told me how much my monthly benefit would be and that it was retroactive back to June 1 and what day of the month I would receive my benefit from now on! It also said that a deposit would be made within 15 days of the determination. The date the determination was made was Oct 7, so I went online and looked at my account and a deposit for the last 4 months had been made last week! I was really surprised! Except for being able to bury Bill's ashes, the business of death has been completed...as far as I know.

There was something else a little upsetting this week. A friend's father passed away and his funeral is Friday...with burial with full military honors in the same cemetery I want to use! I had emailed the governor a couple of weeks ago, asking when the restriction for committal ceremonies would be lifted. So far, other than an automatic response that said my email would be forwarded to the proper department, I have heard nothing. I have also heard nothing from the cemetery. I was told they would contact me when things changed. I've been a little miffed about this, but not as much now as when I first read the other obituary. There could be different reasons that the other burial can take place. It's immediately following a funeral service and a body is being buried, not ashes. But, it still involves an honor guard, 21 gun salute and taps. So, that's still a mystery. I've made a decision about the burial, though.

Since the virus is ramping up again and our area of Arkansas is now considered a "red zone", with Blytheville being a "red zone city", I have decided to wait until spring to hold the burial. I have until May 16 for it to continue to be free. And if it's after that date, the cost is very low, $300 to open the grave. I don't know, but maybe the year deadline will be waived because of the virus. At any rate, it's not safe for people to travel to this area, especially with young children, and the weather is deteriorating now. So, we'll wait until spring. I feel very comfortable with this decision.

I have recovered with whatever I had. Surprisingly, the granddaughter who had the exact same symptoms as I did, but tested positive for the virus, recovered when I did, with the same antibiotics and steroids I had. So, we're not sure she actually had the virus. But, her quarantine is over and she made it through it. 

Today is grandson Kayden's 16th birthday. He's having a bonfire Friday night with some of his friends and one of them is staying over. I'm taking both of them out for breakfast on Saturday morning.

I still have not gotten the estimate and pictures for the roof repairs even though I have contacted them again. If I don't hear by the end of the week, and it will be 4 weeks by then, I will contact another company. I haven't opened a claim with insurance because I wanted to have the estimate and pictures to send them.

So, that's the latest update from here. Stay safe, stay warm (or cool).

I surprised my mom by going to Illinois last week! My sister was the only one who knew that I was coming. I actually had to go to do her taxes since the deadline was fast approaching. Also surprised my brother and sister-in-law and niece. We had a good visit, but I had to cut the visit a little short because of Hurricane Delta. We were supposed to get heavy rain on Saturday and I really didn't want to drive in that, so came home on Friday. I was ready and my sister was ready to get rid of me! It was a lovely drive home (takes about 6 hours) with light traffic. But, as soon as I crossed the Arkansas state line, about 5 miles from home, it started raining! And it was raining so hard when I got home I had to sit in the car for a bit. Saturday's rain wasn't really heavy but steady from sometime in the night and all day.

Tuesday I woke up with a headache and just chalked it up to changing beds again. I had it all day and it moved from the front of my head to the back of my head just off my left ear. I had it all night and still had it on Wednesday. I took my blood pressure and it was higher than normal, not high enough to warrant a trip to ER, but higher than my cardiologist wants it. So I figured that could be what was causing the back of the head headache. I also had some sinus issues with lots of drainage.

Yesterday, Thursday, I still had the headache back full force and my sinuses were draining so much that I was a little nauseous and my throat hurt. But, during the morning, I developed some diarrhea (I know too much information). So, especially since my blood pressure was still up, I called and got in to see my nurse practitioner. In light of my travel, even though I was masked whenever I went anywhere, and do here at home, she wanted to test for COVID-19. She was concerned about the BP being up, but she was more concerned about the diarrhea, especially after I told her how much Imodium I had taken. She said that she had other patients that their only COVID symptom was digestive issues. So, a flu swab and the COVID swab and I was sent home to quarantine until I got the results. I couldn't even pick up my meds. Emily got them on her way home from work. I got a Z-pack and some Prednisone. Luckily I had gone to get groceries so I've got plenty of food. I also had to cancel my chimney sweep. I was told that he could still come as long as we were both masked and stayed 6 feet apart, but I didn't want to expose him unnecessarily.

I feel much better today, headache mostly gone, diarrhea mostly gone and sinuses under control. I know that's due to the meds. But, the test results came back really fast and I am NEGATIVE for both flu and COVID! A granddaughter also was tested yesterday and she has not gotten her results and they were done in the same office and sent to the same lab!

I do go back to the dr. next week for a follow-up and to get my flu shot. They are also checking to see when I got my pneumonia shot the last time to see if I can go ahead and get the Prevnar-13 shot. I think it's been more than a year, but I'm not sure. It's also time for my Medicare Wellness visit so they are also setting up a mammogram. I requested the non-invasive colon test instead of the colonoscopy. I'm a couple of years overdue for that because of Bill being in the hospital and my gastro dr. doesn't do the noninvasive test. I do have to sign a waiver that I know it's not as accurate and if it does show something I will have the colonoscopy. But, nothing was found on the last one so I'd rather do this now. 

Still no word from the VA except for an acknowledgement that they are compiling the information they need. And still no estimate from the roofing company so that I can file a claim with insurance.

So, that's how my weeks have been, good and bad. And there's still no word from the governor about opening the cemeteries for committals. But, since the virus is increasing again, I doubt it will happen any time soon. For the burial to stay free it has to be done within the first year and today is 6 months. I would hope they would waive the 1 year requirement due to the virus so we'll just have to see what happens in the future.

Hope everyone is staying safe and well. 

After my rant the other day about the VA, the week ended nicely...until today. 

I dropped my car off at the tire shop Friday morning at 7:30 and it was ready at 9:15, but I had to wait until noon to get it so that Emily would be on her lunch break. The roofer came at 10:30, right on time, and the first thing he started marking was the downspouts of the gutter. He said we had a hail storm on April 28 and everything he was marking was hail damage. He also marked several places on the roof and chimney. I didn't know we had had a storm, but I was in Memphis then and wouldn't have tried to look in the dark for any damage. Anyway, Marco is going to email the estimate along with pictures of everything so that I can forward them to the insurance company. He said that even though it is quite a ways out from the storm date, they are still doing storm damaged roofs. So, maybe the insurance company will pay for most of the damage and I won't have to be out as much money!

When I got home from getting the car, and I was probably only gone 10 minutes as the place is really close, there was this cute little door hanger. I did find out who it was from. It made me tear up a little because of the pumpkin that wasn't there, but it's still cute.

 Today my laptop updated in the middle of trying to download the video of Bill's Memorial Service and sent it into an endless loop. I was able to do a system restore, which didn't help a whole lot and now I'm reversing it. I can't get on the internet, not that the hardware isn't working, Microsoft Edge won't work. But the good thing today is that the chimney sweep called this morning and he will be here the 16th. He was supposed to come last week, but it rained on the day he was supposed to come so he's just now getting caught up again.

Now, the following is what I wanted to post the other day. It's just some of the things that I learned during our journey. Maybe they will help someone else.

A lot of people have commented that things that I've posted throughout our journey have been helpful to them, or given them something to think about. 

Things I Learned Through Trial and Error

Take dated notes. Those are invaluable because doctors do forget when they've ordered something. or wondering if something happened and when. There were many times that I would just say "hang on" and look it up, either in my notes or the blog.

Ask questions. Most states have mandated that medical decisions/conversations must be with caregivers included.

Befriend nurses and technicians. They are a wealth of information and will be happy to answer questions. They can also provide a little better care if you show interest and be friendly. This also applies to housekeepers. Your room will get a little better cleaning if you are nice. Since Bill was in contact isolation, gowns and masks, I would place all of the trash cans by the door to the room. That way the housekeepers did not have to gown up just to empty the trash. Did I have to do that, no. Was it appreciated, immensely. Also, try to move things off the floor, including holding your feet up so they floor can be cleaned. Did I do this all of the time, no, but I did it most of the time. This may just get a little extra attention paid to the cleanliness of the room.

Don't be afraid to help if necessary. Glove up if necessary and watch procedures if possible. Sometimes an extra hand is needed and there are no staff members available. But, if it is something that would cause harm to you or the patient, don't do it.

Know medications. Know the home meds as well as any new meds given in the hospital and question if normal meds are changed and why. Ask what new medications are for. There was one time an IV was going to be hung when Bill hadn't had any IV meds and when I questioned the nurse it was discovered that it wasn't for him! She had gotten the patients confused. This does happen, so be aware of what your patient is on.

Be assertive if necessary. You know the patient the best even though some staff members, especially some doctors, won't like the input. Others will welcome it. If you have followed the blog earlier, you will remember me complaining about this many times and saying "but what do I know, I'm just a wife".

Grow a thick skin. The patient may take all of their frustrations and fears out on you. This can come from meds or fear/confusion. It could also stem from dementia. It's OK to call them out on it instead of just letting them get away with it. But, don't take it personally.

I wanted to put these things on a separate page, and I thought that the main page would show it as a separate tab, but it didn't. So, I'll have to do a little more work on that. But, this will work for now. I've got a couple of others in the works that people had asked about, or commented on as being good to know.

It's a beautiful October afternoon after a chilly morning. I broke down and turned the heat on since it was only 61 in the house this morning, but I'll probably turn it off tonight. I like sleeping in a cooler room. All for today. Hope the hints help!

 I had planned on a short update, but this was not the one I planned.

Today was bill paying day and as usual on the first of the month I checked to see if I had gotten a VA benefit payment. And as usual, there was nothing from them. For some reason I decided to look at my VA account to see if I could find out why it was taking so long. So, I logged in and saw that I had two letters. Now it said that I had been sent these letters, but I had not gotten them, nor had I gotten an email that I had the letters.

The first letter just said that I was eligible for veteran preference when applying for a job. I'm not planning on applying for any, but good to know. The 2nd one said that I was not eligible for benefits because Bill was not a 100% disabled veteran! What! Wait a minute, yes he was, from March 2008! So, after I centered myself and paid the bills, I called the VA. 

I got a very nice woman who said that it showed where I had gotten the accrued benefit that was due Bill and that I had gotten the burial allowance, but it didn't show that any claim for benefits was filed, or at least, in the system! I told her that I had filed them in June and I wouldn't have gotten the Presidential Citation if I hadn't filed anything because that paperwork was included in the packet of forms. She told me that I could refile because she could tell from looking at his record that he was indeed 100% disabled, and she emailed me some new forms.

Now, these forms are very confusing to begin with and I didn't relish having to pull all of the records again. BUT, as I was venting to my sister, I thought to see if I had scanned them into my computer and sure enough there was a VA file. I decided to fill out the new forms and mark them "Second Submission" and also send in the original forms marked "Original". I also wrote a letter with it detailing everything. Don't worry, Mom, I didn't say what I really wanted to say, I was nice!

I saw that the email had come from the Benefit Processing Office in Wisconsin, which could explain the fiasco. The forms say on them to send them to the nearest Regional VA center. That is in Little Rock, and when Bill was applying for his benefits, he had to file them 4 times, certified mail each time. They would tell him they hadn't received them and to send them to so and so's attention. I remember him telling them that the signature on the return card was that very person! So, I figured it was just the incompetence of that office. I called the VA back and I was told to either mail it to the office in Wisconsin, or fax it to the number on the letter. So, tomorrow morning, my daughter is going to fax 20 pages, not including a cover page, for me!

The original forms were dated June 5, and most people probably wouldn't have let it go this long, but I know how slow the government can be. It took nearly 3 months to get the final payment for his military retirement, so I hadn't been too concerned until I saw that letter. 

I'm taking my car in tomorrow for new tires and an oil change. I know I put 30,000 miles on them driving back and forth to Memphis and they had checked them with an oil change. They said there was still good tread, but a couple of them had been plugged, so I figured it was time to do it, before winter came. Emily is going to meet me before she goes to work and bring me home. I hope it will be ready when she goes to lunch to come and get me to pick it up. 

I also have a roofer coming tomorrow. My room tear-off project still has not been completed. It was decided that the roof needed to be done before the siding went back on. So, he's coming tomorrow to see if I just need to repair that area or replace it completely. I will be glad to get it done. I was going to see if he would build a covering over the open area, but I think now I'm just going to get an awning to put up.

I did get the replacement presidential citation since the post office bent the other one. It is very nice.

I also received this EOB from Medicare recently. Luckily Tricare will pick this up.

The cats have both been under the weather and had to get shots last week. One of the carriers broke when I was getting ready to take them to the vet, so had to do it one at a time. They aren't itching like they were, but Mouse has been sneezing most of the week and Cat started sneezing this evening.

That's about it. I've been doing fine for the most part, keeping busy when I want to and sitting and knitting or reading when I don't want to do anything. Our weather has gotten cooler now and it has been a little nippy in the mornings. It was 47 this morning and only in the low 70s for the high. Feels a lot better than the 90s!

I'll do my other post later since this one has gotten so long. Stay tuned!

My Sweet Love,

I've been dreading this day. Today we would have been married 30 years. You tried so very hard to make it, but it just wasn't going to happen.

Most days I think I'm doing OK, but today is hard. I miss your touch, your smile, your kiss. I miss your voice. I wish I had a recording of your voice, but so far I can't think of anything that might have it except a few little videos.

I remember this day so vividly. I did housework all day and then relaxed with a glass of wine in a bubble bath. You did yard work. I can clearly see the packed little office at the church, with Joe and Geneva Parsons and "the other Beth". And I remember going home and fixing meatloaf for all of us, including Clyde.

I remember the phone call from your mother congratulating us. It was the first time I was referred to as Mrs. Haven.

I look at my rings and remember the anniversary trip to Gatlinburg, getting lost and eating at Ma Barker's Family Restaurant where we thought we were going to be on the menu! I remember our dinner cruise on the Mississippi and our trip to Biloxi. But I don't think anything could top the train to Houston and then getting stuck in a hurricane!

We always had so much fun together. I guess that's what happens when you start a relationship as friends first, before becoming lovers. I found the poem you wrote me, you know, the one I was supposed to destroy. It's faded almost too much to read, but the words are engraved on my heart. We went back to the same house in Hardy for a week-end get away.

I remember falling asleep in your arms every night. But, when did that stop? It seems like we just stopped doing it. I always felt so safe when I was in your arms, it always just felt like that was where I was supposed to be. 

I know you're watching over me and making sure I'm OK. There's been a couple of times I've looked up, expecting to see you in your seat watching TV. It's so quiet now in the house without the sound of your oxygen concentrator running all the time. That's when I know that you're gone. 

I'm going to try to get through the day without too many tears. So far I've managed, but I can tell they are just waiting to fall. I'll still be OK, but I hope this day goes fast. So, I'm going to try to stay as busy as I can to make it move along.

I love you so very much,

Beth