I hadn't planned on updating during the day, but it's not a good day.  After his numbers being good yesterday he was back on full vent when I got here this morning. They said he got agitated about 6:30 so they gave him his xanax Ann's that didn't help. His respiration went up again along with his heart rate while his oxygen dropped. Walter, one of my favorite respiratory techs, went ahead and put him back on full vent but that also didn't help.

Stephanie ordered an EKG and some labs to check his calcium levels and also gave him some dilaudid to further calm him. That worked for a while, but it also really disorients him and makes it difficult for him to do even simple things like pick up his urinal. It has worn off more now and he's asking questions about eating and what they are going to do next.

They haven't had to suction much and he's not coughing much. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. They haven't given me any results from the tests yet. Amanda from cardiology wasn't aware of the EKG so she was going to look at that and said that Dr. Edwards was on call this weekend Ann's should probably be in later. But as you know he likes to round late so I will probably be gone if he comes.

They keep saying he has no fever because his temps have been in the 98.4 range. But normal for him is 97.5 and I have told them that numerous times. He's still getting his antibiotics and since one is very high powered he should have responded to it by now according to infectious disease.

I did tell Laura about the lethargy yesterday and that he eventually really responded. So she said we'll just watch and see if we think something else is happening like small strokes.

I was looking at pictures I had taken of him and the deterioration from the day he was transferred from ICU to today is very apparent and, to me, very sad. I did make myself ask the big question about giving up and he still does not want to stop anything. But I can also tell he's getting very tired of it all.

That's the latest. I'm managing to hold it together...barely. And if you read this and think about calling, please don't. I'm not ready to talk.