It was an uneventful night. He had and "episode" this morning, but Molly didn't elaborate, just to say that Dr. Edwards wasn't concerned about it. Bill has been resting peacefully, yet responding to people and commands.

I think I've seen all of the different disciplines already. I know I've seen kidney, cardiology, pulmonary, and infectious disease. Dr. Naseer said that his kidney function has gone back down. It had gone up yesterday with whatever was going on with him. Dr. Shirwany said we will just continue with what we are doing. Dr. Schriner said there's not much more to try. The only thing changed on the vent was to reduce his oxygen from 50 to 40%. He's still on pressure control and the bicarb that he ordered hung should run out about 5 this evening. It was only supposed to run over 24 hours. Dr. Threlkeld said that the germ that has shown up was not in his blood culture, so it must have shown up in the bronch sputum. He said it is resistant to Zerbaxa, one of the antibiotics he was on, so he was switched to the merroperrem again. 

Bill woke up a few minutes ago and I held his hand and, while he was looking at me, I told him to squeeze my hand if he was ready to stop fighting...and he did not squeeze. He also kept looking at me the entire time. I've told him that I will be OK even though I will miss him. And I know that one of these times he will squeeze or nod, but it will be OK.

Someone asked me today if I was afraid that he was going to die and not come out of it this time. I told her that I wasn't afraid, I knew he wasn't going to recover. It does make a difference when you make peace with your decisions and don't second guess them.

I feel much better today, although I'm tired from sleeping in this chair. It does recline, but there's not much padding on it and it kills my sore hip. But, I slept off and on until after 7, without getting up to the bathroom, which in itself is a miracle!

I'm not sure yet if I'm going home tonight. If he stays as stable as he is right now I will go home and replenish my meds. I was getting ready to do that when Lizzy called yesterday. I do have enough with me through tomorrow. And I know I will sleep better in our bed, especially with freshly washed sheets on it. I can always come back if they call.

Here's a picture of my daily attire here in the hospital. The only time I'm supposed to take the mask off is when I'm eating, but I take it off when talking to Bill. That way he can tell it's me easier. I also take it off periodically just to breathe. And as long as I'm in the room I have to wear the gown, except when I was sleeping last night. I really don't think anyone would say anything if I didn't put the gown on at all, and at times the nurses don't gown up just to come in and stop an IV pump from beeping. Today is also my dad's birthday, so in honor of that, even though it's not mom's I got a piece of cake from the cafeteria.

Happy Birthday, Dad!

And here I am, in all my glory!

Unless something drastic changes, I won't update until sometime tomorrow.