It was rough going yesterday. The nurses told me that Bill started acting out as soon as I left. He also only slept periodically again, so was tired all day yesterday. They had to increase his oxygen in the night on Sunday night because his sats kept dropping. The goal was to lower it again yesterday, but that didn't happen. They also told me that Thursday night, he removed his heart monitor leads several times. At least these nurses are used to dealing with cranky, mostly older patients and take it all in stride

His secretions have really thickened again and Dr. Munday is going to do another bronchoscopy this afternoon.  Bill is able to cough them out now for the most part, but they are still having to suction.

The good news of the day is that he can start using the speaking valve, and that could mean that the trach will be reduced so that it fits better. That probably won't be done until after the bronch today, but I don't know for sure.

He didn't do really well in therapy yesterday, only sat on the side of the bed and only stood once. But, his stats kept dropping. He told them he was dizzy and I'm not really sure he was. He is aware enough to know which answers will get him what he wants, and he wanted to lay back down, so he said yes. But, his blood pressure was also staying low, so he could have been dizzy.

He slept off and on most of the day and was really only awake when it was time for me to leave and he got very agitated. I stayed until almost time for his medicine, which is a combination of melatonin and an anti-depressant, with a little xanax thrown in if necessary. He even told me to kill the cats so that I don't have to take care of them and can stay with him! The nurses say that this happens almost every night as soon as I leave.

So, what to do? I can't stay with him 24/7. As one of the practitioners said, as if the idea had just occurred to her "I suppose you have to keep doing all the other normal stuff". Duh! Someone has to pay the bills and do the laundry and take the trash out, you know, normal living stuff. Luckily all of the bills are paid online, but the internet is so bad at the hospital, I won't take the chance of doing them there and I'm so tired at night sometimes I don't trust my brain to do them. So that leaves first thing in the morning, when I'm fresher. The same with this blog, sometimes I do it at night, sometimes in the morning, like today. It depends on how tired I am. I don't know that hiring someone to sit with him at night would be the answer because he wants ME there.

And, while I'm having a pity party, here's how my day usually goes...up at 4:30, feed the cats, do whatever computer work may need done, leave for the hospital at 6ish depending on if I need gas or got it the night before, get to the hospital by about 7:30 depending on traffic and weather, stay there until around 4:30, trying to gauge traffic flow, home around 6 unless I need to stop for gas, groceries, cat food, etc., feed the animals, go through the mail, get something to eat, and some nights I'm in bed by 8 to do it all over again the next day. So, if any of you have had thoughts that all I do is sit at the hospital and knit, then go home and watch TV or socialize, think again. 

OK, enough feeling sorry for myself. I can tell I'm still tired this morning and haven't had enough coffee yet, because I put the grounds in last night but not the water so had to wait longer for it. Maybe Bill will be more sedated than usual for the bronch today and will sleep through the rest of the afternoon and night. It's not being done until about 1:30 and it can't be done bedside as it is in ICU. So, it's a longer process and may use extra sedation.

It's getting close to leaving time. I need to get the car started to warm up. It's only 21 with a windchill of 11, which is a heatwave for some of you, but it's cold for us. So, stay warm and inside if you can. I'll let you know tonight, or tomorrow morning, how things go today.