Last night was better as far as Bill being awake and bad. His nurse, Harding, who I said I wasn't fond of, turned out to have learned a lot in the year since he had taken care of Bill last year. He was very quiet, and I barely heard him in the room. There was only 1 time he had to turn the light on and I was already awake to use the bathroom.

Bill didn't have a good start to his morning. He was junky and coughing stuff up. It would get into the first part of his tubing and then as he took a breath for another cough, he would suck it back into his cannula. His sats were hanging out in the upper 80s, low 90s. 

Dr. Mehrothra (and I don't think I spelled this right and I'm too lazy to look it up again) came in early and said they didn't think any more bronchs would do him any good. That kind of surprised me, and I didn't really know what to say. He just said if I needed anything to let them know.

When the girls got there today and I told them, they both said that wasn't what palliative care told us, and it wasn't. They said that until we turned to the comfort care, all current treatments would continue. And they did say that. So I told them I would ask Dr. Edwards as the attending when he came in.

Bill had a good visit with the little kids until they had to leave. He and Petra winked at each other and blew kisses and waved and he and William shook hands. He gave a thumbs up to Jack, a hearty handshake to Lee and hugs and kisses to Dani, Aimee and Mary Rose

He kept telling me that he wanted the vent off so I bit the bullet and told him that it couldn't ever come off. I had been telling him that if it came off he would die, but it was always in the context of when he could use regular oxygen. This time I didn't qualify it, just told him he would die. I also told him if that's what he wanted then we would give him some medicine and he would go to sleep and when he woke up he would be in Heaven and named everyone he would see. He then told me he didn't want to do that yet. I told him I loved him and that he was my favorite husband of all my husbands and got a laugh out of him.

Dr. Nowak from Infectious Disease came in and, even though she was concerned about the blood in the urine, she didn't order a urine specimen, but she did order a sputum culture. I did notice in the late afternoon it looked like the urine was clearing so maybe whatever it was had rectified itself. He did do some complaining about his back hurting. It could have been from laying in the same position, the problem with his kidneys or not having had a bowel movement for a couple of days. It's hard to tell.

After the kids all left, it just seemed very quiet in the room. Bill did ask to be suctioned and said that his chest hurt. Kellye put a little saline into the vent and then suctioned and got a bunch of stuff out and he felt better, his sats came up to the mid 90s and he went to sleep and looked very peaceful.

As I sat there quietly, I started thinking about what the lung doctor had said and realized that he had not had a breathing treatment all day. So, they must have decided that all treatments were useless.

I decided to come home this evening, but wanted to talk to Dr. Edwards, so I waited to see if he came in early. He came about 3:30 and he asked if Bill had been talking to me. I told him yes and about the interaction with the kids and then said I had a question for him. After he listened to Bill, I asked about the bronchs and no breathing treatments. He said he would get the breathing treatments started again immediately especially since they are non-invasive. He did say that if he got really junky with thick secretions, of course he would order a bronch. He said our lung group is more conservative that the group with Dr. Williams, and that almost every bronch Bill had been given this time had been on his (Edwards) order. So he said if Bill needed a bronch, he would see that he got it! Now I've got to come up with a different name than Dr. Arrogant Ass. Maybe Dr. Get'erdone!

Bill was OK with me coming home and it was odd getting home while it was still light out, even though it was after 6 when I got here. I had to stop at Walmart before I could come home and then got a sandwich from Subway for supper. I had meant to take half of it for lunch tomorrow, but it was so good, I ate every bit of it!

I've been informed that everyone has made it back to their homes, so things are as normal as they can be again. The cats were both very happy to see me. Kitty followed me around the house everywhere I went and Mouse just laid everywhere and meowed.

I don't know if I'm going to keep staying at the hospital or if I will start coming home again every night as it is not as critical with Bill now, unless the tests and regular labwork show a new problem.

It was a decent day with few tears, but not as many as yesterday. Maybe tomorrow there won't be any! I've done everything I needed to do here at home and even though it's almost 9 I'm not tired. Of course, it's really almost 8 so that could explain it. It's supposed to rain tomorrow naturally since I'm going to be on the road again in the morning, but what else is new.

I've been hearing a new song for a few weeks now that is really speaking to me. Part of the chorus is "If I have to be broken by the storm I'm standing in, just to run back to your arms to make me whole again. And if the thorn in my side...helps me keep the cross in you, Whatever it takes Lord to keep me close to you". Sometimes I've felt like I've been totally broken into a thousand pieces, yet He always puts me back together and the glue is stronger than each time before.

So, that's it for tonight. Hopefully we'll both have a good night. I did remember to already turn the alarm back on for tomorrow morning, even though it would be nice to just wake up like I have the past two mornings. Unfortunately, that will be a possibility in the near future, but thankfully, not tonight.

I got permission to post this picture of Bill with the 2 youngest grandchildren, his namesake William and his little sister Petra.